Marriage, Motherhood and Maintenance 

As I amend the drafted date and insert the new one a wave of calm and nostalgia come over me… I’ve really missed blogging, just being able to express my feelings, fears, desires, expectations, ventures all visually via my keypad. 

Happy New Year everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve been here, and all due to a BUSY period. Time has just flown by… with Christmas nearly already being a distant memory! 

So how has your New Year set off so far?? For myself I must say I’m pretty pleased with what I’m accomplishing so far (although there are still areas lacking and in need of amendment) I am trusting and relying on God to assist me with, cos this woman over here often has no clue most days. It’s ONLY by God’s grace that I have come this far. 

So as my title states I’ll break it all down for ya… 

Marriage


So this here is my gorgeous loving, loyal, hard-working and dedicated husband! We’ve been married 3 years and 5 months and it has been a rollercoaster ride. I’m not going to charade and make it out that it’s been a fairy tale and ‘happily ever after’ because it hasn’t. Christ has been that link that has and is continuing to hold us together, when at times either one of us doesn’t ‘feel’ like being a husband or a wife to each other we continue in our efforts of ‘daily dying to ourselves’ and preserve through.

That’s what I’ve learnt along the years that love and marriage definitely isn’t based on feelings but is a choice. Our selfish flesh always looks out for ‘me, myself and I’ while love focuses on the best interests and needs of the ‘other person’! 

Reflecting over last year really allows me to somberly feel convicted over how I can sometimes take my marriage for granted. The passion, energy and excitement that was put into the foundation of friendship, dating and the delighted anticipation of getting married can seem so easily smouldered by routine, bills, work, church and friends. 

Of course all of that is a natural function of life  but how did it transition into a monotonous cycle that could almost be perceived as Groundhog Day. One simple answer… Investment! Growth in any area requires attention, nurture, habit, evaluation, change, support and increase. If this is so for tangible things such as employment, health, wealth and hobbies how much more should be for our spouses??!

“I need to consciously ensure I daily desposit into our account of love in preparation of ‘rainy days’ so there will always be an abundance of savings previously invested”


My husband is a blessing to myself, my daughter and our home!!! My aim and challenge for this year is to study and actively try to be the best help-meet for him; speaking his love language and purposefully investing all that I have into our marriage.

I look forward to many more years of adventures! 


Motherhood

Over these past four months of looking after my daughter it has revealed and stretched me in so many areas that prior to being a mother were not even thought about. Being a mother means all the time and attention that was spent on my needs cant always be achieved at that specific moment. There’s a little human that doesn’t understand the pile of dirty dishes in the sink need to be washed, dinner that needs to be prepared, a washing basket that is starting to look like the Leaning Tower Of Pisa or the fact that you have a schedule to meet and need to shower and be ready on time so your not late to a venue. The transition into motherhood has allowed me to re-evaluate priories that some of those things don’t matter at that exact time BUT also it is up to me to arrange my time accordingly so that these things are not neglected. This has taken me a lot of juggling and sacrifice, to utilise the time my daughter is sleeping often neglecting sleep, that hot cup of tea or the catch up of my favourite programme. Yes I have learnt these things but with everything in life there has to be balance!! I have achieved this by setting routine and structure, children need consistency and conscious habits; structured bed times and the choice to no longer co-sleep have helped all of us to not only get a good nights sleep but to also revel in each of our along time. 

Alone time for a baby you ask… YES!! Nia-Mae is seeing many new things in her environment, developing daily and exploring new exploits accompanied along with constant human interact can often be very tiring. I believe that as mothers and parents in our efforts to ensure development and interaction through communication we can at times over stimulate their precious tiny minds, by studying my daughters cues, signals and behaviours it has allowed me to understand her needs at that precise time and act accordingly to the best of my ability. Do I get it wrong? At times yes especially in the very early stages but cutting myself some slack with daily reminders that all this is new allows me to enjoy the process and uncertainty in my role of motherhood! 

In the further development and achievement of milestones yet to come, I have to accept that I will be clueless in many efforts,at times make many mistakes. In all that which is out of my control and comfort zone I will eternally be grateful and continue to enjoy this beautiful journey named motherhood! 



Maintenance 

Prior to being a wife and a mother, I very much believed in working hard and playing hard. I would invest in the upkeep of having my hair done at the hairdressers, the renewal of my nail extensions and the splurge of shopping sprees at times I often regretted purchasing as soon as I walked out the shop door. This was SINGLE LIFE. 
Entering into marriage I strongly believed the concept of ‘not letting myself go’ just because I am now married. I would try make time for the maintenance routine in the same manner I was accoustomed to while single, only to soon find that many of those things I had the luxury in paying for would soon have to be replaced with DIY upkeep! 

Yes it may take half the day to wash, blow-dry and straighten my hair but the adjusted priorities of shared currency with my newly wed husband soon brought me into check. Thankfully I still hand the means to go to the hairdressers but the difference is where it was an automatic response now took planning and preparation with a before thought of not just how that decision impacted me but also my husband. 

Fast forward a few years to now being a mummy and the whole persona of maintenance and up keep is now a whole different ball game!!! My thought process of making sure I look good at all times has now been replaced for ‘only on a need to basis’. Half a day spent on the upkeep of my hair has quickly been replaced to low maintenance and protective hairstyles, my nails often go weeks without being manicured and painted and my once luxurious lifestyle of shopping sprees are now a distant memory replaced with bills, nappies and food! The time I do get to buy anything is for my daughter and replaced with online browsing and ordering. 

I am still in the learning process that the added benefits of maintenance have to be planned but yet flexible… yes I still believe in the importance of upkeep and ‘not letting myself go’ but thankfully my mindset has matured into not only thinking what’s best for myself but for the family which I care about and love! 
Here are a few of my quick and daily preparation and ‘fix-its’ 

  1. I get ready at least 2 hours ahead of the intended time so that I can allow for any spontaneous events such as feedings, nappy changes or an explosion of tears 
  2. I utilise the opportunity of my daughters nap times to catch up on luxury showers that can take more than 5 minutes. 
  3. I plan and prepare outfits the night before in order to avoid the hustle and bustle that will only ensure our tardiness 
  4. Hair and nail appointments are ONLY on a need to basis and are chosen with the lowest form of maintenance and renewal possible (weaves and shellac nails) 
  5. Makeup is only worn for events where looking like the walking dead is not acceptable. Local trips or errand runs often do not count 
  6. ‘Me time’ is often achieved at the dead of night when everyone is asleep and I have the quietness to reflect and evaluate

And lastly but by far not leastly 

7. I PRIORITSE! Some things need to be done at that precise time, some later and some not at all.

With all that said and done, I am enjoying the growth with everything that I’m enduring and it is allowing growth and stretching in areas I didn’t even think possible. I love the fact that I am changing for the better and hope and pray I continue to do so that is pleasing to God, my husband and my daughter. 

This year I want to be the best version of me!